You know, there have been times this week when I really felt that self-asphyxiation with liquid nitrogen gas would be a welcome break from this hell. I mean honestly, how could anyone bear this goddamn insufferable heat and the choking humidity. You’d expect a Sri Lankan right at home in an oven, but not so bitches – because I was born in the hills of the Up-country where it’s 16′ all year around and the sun always (barely) shines through the drizzle. I am, however, Colombite through and through, without any traces of the tea trees.
And the flies – oh the bloody flies! I hate the damn things so much I actually have vivid fantasies about rounding up trillions of them and setting them on fire in my very own Aussiewitz. Imagine a gigantic fly ball on fire crackling and popping like mad. Dolfie would be proud.
I’ve finally realised that the cork hats all Australians are supposed to wear with pride to top off their national dress actually serves a practical purpose. How many of you cork-less hat wearers knew that it is actually an effective fly deterrent mechanism. You gotta give it to the ‘victs – smart buggers, these.
What I don’t get is the lack of darkened/tinted glass in this country. Granted, there’s an abundance of it resting on people’s noses and ears, but I’m referring to windows, and in particular bus/tram/train windows. Ah yes, I’m back on public transport after my car’s lost her forelegs, but haven’t I informed you world wide wankers of that fact earlier? I forget, and I digress. So here’s a new year’s resolution for you cheap bastards, call Tint Professor and give your car what she deserves. Note that my feminisation of automobiles is a deliberate ploy to rouse your righteous anger at my sexism.
Thanks to the bitch of a car, I’ve had to postpone the best laid plans of my mice and me to buy a new laptop+plasma (no LCD for me). I’m thinking about fixing up the damn thing and selling it off. Petrol is high as it’s been for months, and the interest rates have gone up. This is good news for me, because all the lords of the McMansions have to sell their flash cars below cost to manage the mortgage repayments. I’ve done my homework, and it seems that I can finally afford a car I need not be ashamed of. Let us que serra serra, shall we.
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